Love is… Becoming

Wedding dresses... she won't be needing one...Miller can’t quite believe it. He’s in love. With Rachael. And he’s decided. Tonight’s the night. The anniversary of their first date. It’s been the best year of his life.

They’re meeting each other’s parents for the first time, so all the right people will be there.

Rachael and her parents are waiting outside the restaurant when he turns the corner onto Fourth. The dad looks cranky. Rachael did say he’s diabetic and needs to eat at regular times.

But Miller is only 27 minutes late. “Lighten up, Buddy,” he says as he thumps his soon-to-be-father-in-law on the back.

He watches his parents get out of their car. They’d waited for him in the parking lot.

“Why did he have to choose Mexican?” he hears as they approach. “He knows it doesn’t agree with me, and you don’t even like it.”

Miller rolls his eyes. It’s always the same old whine with her. He rolls them again when Rachael’s mother sympathizes.

It’s his favorite restaurant. Rachael would have preferred Chinese, but he’d never done anything like this before, and didn’t expect to again. He should at least be able to choose the place.

And not have to listen to people complain about it.

That tickle inside his right nostril starts up again, and he searches it out with his right index finger. When he pulls his finger back out, his smile is both relieved and exultant. He squints to examine the results of his nasal mining expedition, then wipes it on the leg of his jeans before extending his hand to shake Rachael’s father’s.

Inside the restaurant, Miller loudly tells the waitress exactly how the tables and chairs should have been arranged, and makes it clear his tip will reflect her lack of professionalism.

Dinner goes well. He gets to tell everyone all about his job, how he could do a better job than his new female boss, his confidence he’ll soon be HER boss, his SUV, the sports car he wants, his new apartment, the benefits of renting over owning, his thoughts on the governor and the president, and his opinions of the older men’s haircuts (no offense). He’s proud that the tables around theirs also got the benefit of hearing what he has to say.

After dinner he lets out an enormous belch and pats his belly in satisfaction.

“Ralph,” he says. “Your daughter’s kind of old-fashioned, so I figured I had to talk to you before I do what I’m going to do. She’d want me to ask your permission, but you’ve heard all about me during dinner, so you know that any woman would be lucky to marry me. I’ve decided to give your daughter the privilege. I don’t really care what you think about it, but you’re nuts if you think she can do any better.”

He turns to Rachael’s mother. “Your daughter wanted a ring, but I decided it’s a waste of money. But it’s the getting married that women want, any way. Big wedding, and all that. You and Ralph have to pay, not me, so, hey, whatever she wants, right?”

“Babe,” he begins. But she’s too busy flirting with the busboy to notice.

Dinner is served at Luzmilla's a Mexican Resta...
(Photo credit: Bob Doran)

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Offensive.

This isn’t the way love behaves.

1 Corinthians 13

Finally back to 1 Corinthians 13! We’ve made it to

Love… does not act unbecomingly…

That has so many aspects in English; I hit several above. The Greek does also.

aschemoneo – to be (i.e. act) unbecoming
from aschemon – prop. shapeless, i.e. (fig.) inelegant

I find the shapeless bit interesting. The two words from which the Greek word is formed could be translated to not have a way of being. With all of the different ways I could think of to act unbecomingly, I hadn’t thought of what this phrase brought to mind.

I’ve noticed it mostly in women and girls. Seeing it thrown out for all the world to see is one thing that bugs me about Facebook, or, more specifically, how people choose to use it.

Life is boring. Life is empty. Guys are jerks. I’m so lonely.

I’m in love. I’ve never felt like this before.

He’s perfect. He’s this. He’s that.

We this. We that. Together forever.

It’s over. I’ll never date again.

Life is boring. Life is empty. Guys are jerks. I’m so lonely.

I’m in love. I’ve never felt like this before.

He, he. We, we. Forever.

Over. Never again.

Life, blah, blah. Jerks.


You get the picture.

What is it about some women and girls that they don’t believe they’re complete without some guy? That they build their identity around a relationship that exists more in their imagination than in reality?

Why can’t they have a way of being on their own, or truly be outside of a relationship?

Although God intended us to become one in marriage, we are never to find our identity in another fallible human being, but in Him.

I know that I’ve stuck with man/woman, “romantic” love more than usual this time… but, as always, when you stop to really think about what each 1 Corinthians 13 attribute of love means, and how it should look in our lives, there is so much more than could fit in a blog post!

If you missed earlier posts in this series, click the links below:

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love is not jealous

Love does not brag

Love is not arrogant

Related: Love Builds Up

And, how this all started


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