i x 2 intercession and intervention
07 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: 1 x 2 against trafficking, abolition, Biblical worldview, Christian, dignity, Donna M. Hughes, exploitation, fair trade, human trafficking, modern day slavery, pornography, Prayer, prostitution, sanctity of human life, Scripture, suffering, University of Rhode Island, Wesleyan Church, young children
It’s been a while since I’ve given a presentation on human trafficking. Even longer since studying the issue. There is certainly much greater awareness here in the US, but I’m sure the average American is unaware that there are more slaves in the world in these early days of January 2012 than at the peak of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Granted, there are also more people in the world today – but there is nowhere slavery is legal.
Working with the little girls I was teaching at the time of my URI courses was difficult for me. The realization that there were adults who would pay for the use of little girls’ bodies for sexual gratification would slam into my consciousness in the classroom. I couldn’t keep reality compartmentalized. It made me sick to my stomach. And so sad.
And now I have a daughter of my own. She was rather a surprise, and her birth marked my stepping back from various responsibilities. It was what needed to be done. And I loved it. The world went on without me and I cherished the “extra” time I had with my baby, and my boys. I didn’t forget what I had learned, but it was never my focus. I was, for the most part, content to leave the subject in the back of my mind.
But today…
I’ve been thinking all week about the issue. Looking for a direction for a brief presentation for church tomorrow. One thing I appreciate about my denomination is its abolitionist history. The Wesleyan Church in large part owes its existence to men and women who understood that although slavery was not proscribed in Scripture, it goes against God’s intent for mankind and Christians cannot support the owning of another human, created in God’s image. Exploitation of any man, woman, or child in any form is unacceptable. And in that spirit, the Board of General Superintendents issued a proclamation in December:
Recognizing that the trafficking of humans is an evil practice that is increasing worldwide, and remembering the efforts of our Church’s founding fathers and mothers who risked their very lives to free the enslaved and bring justice to all people, the Board of General Superintendents of The Wesleyan Church calls Wesleyans everywhere to a day of intercession and intervention on behalf of the victims and perpetrators of human trafficking on January 11, 2012.
We request that local churches include information about the issue of trafficking in persons; and also request that a time of prayer be included in the activities of that day.
The Board of General Superintendents, The Wesleyan Church
Dr. Jerry G. Pence, Dr. Jo Anne Lyon
So, here I am, on Saturday, January 7…trying to be ready to do something that used to come naturally. My mother’s heart doesn’t want to deal with the truth right now, or at least not be submerged in this aspect of it.
I have a very basic PowerPoint presentation, highlighting the Wesleyan Church’s call to prayer.
In observance of the January 11, 2012, Human Trafficking Awareness Day, the Board of General Superintendents of The Wesleyan Church will be calling its constituents to pray for:
• The protection, rescue, and recovery of human trafficking victims.
• The spiritual repentance and conversion of human traffickers.
• The members of congress who create laws against human trafficking.
• The members of the judiciary system who prosecute traffickers of humans.
• The federal, state, and local police who enforce laws against human trafficking.
• The national, spiritual, and social conditions that allow human trafficking.
There is so much to say. I had started making some notes. Because I always forget something when I speak. And, like I said, I’m out of practice on the subject – rusty with my definitions and facts, and a little behind the time with my statistics. And although it is still close to my heart, I’ve been shielding my heart.
And I still want to.
I knew where I was going, and considering what details to include. I think there will be children listening. Like the Bible, this not a G-rated.
Pondering…
Thud…
Screams.
Nora had tipped over in her little rocking chair and hit her head on the floor.
I picked her up. She was fine, but wanted to be held even after she was done crying.
We sat.
And I felt that old familiar revulsion as I looked at her. To think of what is done to children as small and even smaller than her. To think that there are men who can not only be sexually aroused by children who don’t even have a concept of sex, and act on it. To think of the horrible, even fatal, injuries suffered when young body parts are too small and delicate to accommodate what perverts choose to inflict on them.
I couldn’t stop there as late afternoon became evening. Children like my older son having already spent years doing hard manual labor in brick factories, or being forced to murder as child soldiers. Desperate parents of children like my younger son being tricked into sending them into slavery as restavecs in Haiti, treated worse than family dogs and forced to work painfully long hours…
I’m remembering. I won’t know exactly what my presentation will contain until the words have come out of my mouth. And I will be back with more here. We really have no excuse to do nothing. As my University of Rhode Island instructor comforted us as a class overwhelmed by the huge ugliness of human trafficking, we can make a difference. She used as examples the shifts in attitudes toward domestic abuse and drunk driving in our society, brought about by grass roots efforts. As I mentioned earlier, people’s perspectives are already changing.
As Christians, we have a Scriptural mandate to protect the defenseless and seek justice for the oppressed. We must honor the value of each human life and shine God’s Light. The Church has been likened to a sleeping giant that must awake and wield its power to fight this evil.
Like, I said, there will be more on this subject to follow. I just couldn’t NOT write about it this evening, nor can I continue. Bedtime prayers with the kids. Ice cream with the husband. And sleep. I’ll finish my notes in the morning.
Where I’ve Been
28 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Depression Tags: blame, depression, encouragement, freedom, Job 17:13-16, redemption, Scripture, suffering, Truth
I’ve sat on this post long enough. It’s as complete as it’s going to be…
“If the only home I hope for is the grave,
if I spread out my bed in the realm of darkness,
if I say to corruption, ‘You are my father,’
and to the worm, ‘My mother’ or ‘My sister,’
where then is my hope—
who can see any hope for me?
Will it go down to the gates of death?
Will we descend together into the dust?”
Job 17:13-16
Job had lost everything but pain. Everything except a wife and three friends who all turned on him. She gave him bad advice and they, after sitting in silent sympathy for days, blamed him for his suffering.
Job had every reason to be depressed, to feel hopeless.
But what was my excuse? As I’ve written before, there was no reasonable reason for my feeling as if there could never again be anything good in my life. My good life became bitter and then flavorless. Twisted but flat. How can you explain how colors and sounds can be both muted and painfully sharp? I felt like it would make me gag if I had the energy to do so. It’s not agony when you forget what pleasure and hope even feel like; it’s more like…resignation? Drowning without struggling against that which pulls you down and steals your shallow breath.
In the moments I could feel, I needed to be able to blame. My husband caught the brunt of that.
Sometimes it was like being already disconnected from my body. People were so far away even when standing next to me. I could believe each of them, every other person on this earth, has a purpose, but I did not and could not.
I know that Truth is Truth regardless of how I’m feeling, regardless of my ability to believe it at the moment. Would I even be alive without God’s grace expressed in that foundation? I’m not even sure how long the time lasted when the only prayer I can remember being able to have could be more clearly articulated as , “Ok, I know I’m lost. Just please save my kids.” I came to understand what I was experiencing was a taste of hell and I couldn’t believe that I could expect to ever experience anything better. I wouldn’t wish the temporal hopelessness on anyone, and certainly not the eternal reality I can’t even imagine.
I’ve had to accept that sometimes my brain turns on me.
I know that God has allowed it. My experience neither caught Him by surprise nor occurred without first being sifted through His hand. I also know that whatever He allows He will use for good. I’ve seen and experienced it, and know He will continue as I continue to yield to the process. Although it could be easy to look at that month as lost time, it doesn’t have to be. And any negative impact my mood had on my kids does not need to go unanswered.
You are not beyond hope. Your suffering and your sin are not beyond God’s redemptive power.
So Far, So…OK
27 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Depression Tags: 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, depression, encouragement, grace, hope, Scripture, suffering, Truth
For those of you who found your way here, identified with my experience, and have come back looking for more hope, I apologize for taking so long. I’ve started several posts, but with one thing and another…
I’d love to be able to tell you that everything is wonderful. Or better yet, that although I’m still not caught up with things, I’m not overwhelmed, that my head has been on straight all the time and I’ve been joyously at peace, that I was excited preparing for my daughter’s birthday and Christmas. But that wouldn’t be truth. Although I am still relieved to have been delivered from the labyrinth of the dark part of my mind, that my heart doesn’t feel so shrunken and empty, that I can again hope and believe…I still struggle. The sunless hours, the cold, and, well, the normal demands of daily life seem to conspire against me. I don’t want to use my blog to whine, but if you’re struggling, and I describe only victory, how can I let you know that you’re not alone? I can’t encourage you if you think I don’t know where you’re coming from. Although it is important to seek professional help if you need it, I believe the most important thing is to seek God the Father through His Son Jesus Christ. If you know the Lord as Savior, don’t deny the reality of your problem or ignore the spiritual ramifications.
There’s no shortage of stressors this time of year. How are you dealing with yours?
I crashed again about a week ago. I couldn’t see my many blessings, couldn’t believe there was real good in my life or that there ever would be. But I didn’t slip all the way over into…wherever it is I get trapped in my head. One thing I did that was helpful was interrupting the repetitive negative self talk. I frequently had to tell myself to stop thinking. As before, I would get hopeless thoughts stuck in my head. They would play over and over and over. I lacked the ability to “argue” against them. I believed them, but could remember that how I feel doesn’t change Truth. Since I couldn’t find any “positive self talk” with which to replace the other, I had to make an effort to make myself stop, to short circuit the vicious cycle, or maybe downward spiral would be more apt. A negative thought given attention leads to a negative attitude, and more negative thoughts that get more difficult to deny. Until they are all I can hear.
It’s subtle at first, when hopelessness seeps into the heart. I invite it when I choose ingratitude, resentment, annoyance; when I choose to focus on the temporal. It undermines and erodes the good until the good is submerged, so far vanished beneath the murk that I can only believe it has been washed away…or was never really there. To believe in good, to believe that there is a Sovereign God Who chooses to invite us into intimate relationship with Him seems irrational. Although the lie is unpleasant, it is tempting in its “reality” and seeming rationality.
Whatever may be going on in your life, don’t let it distract you from the reality – the Truth – of the Hope of this season. People, feelings, and circumstances change, but God does not. Christmas is a time to remember and celebrate His greatest gift. It wouldn’t have been worth celebrating as a holiday without Good Friday and Easter. God’s Son didn’t come here just to share in our experience. He didn’t come to set a good example for moral behavior. He sacrificed Himself on our behalf. And the acceptability of His sacrifice was verified by His resurrection.
Have you accepted the free gift of His death on your behalf and experienced the freedom found in Him? That is my greatest hope for you. It’s not a magic cure-all, but if you’re looking for fulfillment in lesser things, you will continue to be left empty and lost.
It’s your choice. Do you continue to choose your own way, or surrender to the One Who made You and knows you better than you know yourself? It’s not an invitation to pain-free, thought-free, effort-free existence. It’s being brought into an eternal relationship with the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, and a life of being remade in the image of His Son. I may not always seem to be the best example of the freedom, peace, and joy found in Christ, but He has made the all the difference in my life. Like Paul, I may long to be free of particular weaknesses but it is in them that I find true strength, HIS strength. Also like Paul, I know that I can’t boast in what I’ve accomplished, or how I’ve pulled myself out of the mire, it is only in Him that I can boast. It is only His grace that has brought me to this point in my life – even when I wouldn’t, even when I couldn’t, acknowledge it.
Trust Him. After all, what do you have to lose?
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
II Corinthians 12:7b-10
Of Brain Chemicals and Prayers
05 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Depression Tags: accountability, Arminian, Christianity, depression, encouragement, faith, focus, freewill, perspective, Prayer, suffering, Truth, Wesleyan
So, my second post as my more integrated self. There are so many things I’ve been wanting to have the time to sit down and write!
It was so nice to be back in church, able to look people in the eye, able to smile, and able to sing. When I was thinking about going to church, and getting ready, the phrase “sitting, and clothed, and in [her] right mind” came to mind. Which brings me to something that will be an important theme of my blog – my attempts to gain a deeper understanding of the interplay of the physical and spiritual in mental health disorders. Which involves the mind-boggling relationship between God’s Sovereignty and our freewill. (For the theologically-minded, I am a Wesleyan, and very definitely lean toward a Wesleyan Arminian understanding of freewill.)
I’ve been thinking about our roles in the Body of Christ, and about spiritual gifts. I have often thought that I might have the gift of exhortation/encouragement, depending on your translation of the Bible. Now, I am willing to accept that truth…and responsibility…and I have a few words for my brothers and sisters in Christ. If you read my post from December 3, you know that I am incredibly grateful for those who prayed for me. If God lays someone on your heart, there’s a reason. Even if you only have a moment to shoot up a quick prayer, do it. If God wants more, He’s gracious and will remind you again, as long as there’s a chance you’ll really listen. It’s not only a matter of obedience, but an amazing invitation to be part of what He’s doing. You may never, on this earth, know the impact your prayers for others have, but someday, we will see the bigger picture. I’ve really been falling down in this area, so this message is for me as much as it is for fellow believers. God allowed several of you to be part of saving my life; don’t take that lightly. It was time for me to be dragged up out of the pit, for a new beginning. And I am grateful to each of you who heeded His nudging to reach out to me and/or be in prayer. God’s timing is perfect, however it may feel to us. The changes in me and in my marriage in the last week have been amazing. They couldn’t happen until I was brought down to as close to nothing as I could survive. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to be used by God in the working of a miracle. Isn’t that what any growth in Him really is? It goes against human nature and logic, but it happens and it’s wonderful.
So…fellow sufferers, fellow loved ones of sufferers, and fellow believers – Don’t minimize the physical or the spiritual aspects of depression.
For me, protecting safety and health will require some changes in my day-to-day life. And what better way to submit myself to accountability than to post my goals on the Internet?
A New Perspective, A New Beginning
03 Dec 2011 3 Comments
in Depression Tags: Christianity, depression, encouragement, faith, focus, hope, perspective, suffering, Truth
I’ve been wondering about this post, where it will go and how it will conclude. My world has been upside down, though nothing really changed. It is, however, changing now, and that is the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have been forced to admit that I suffer from depression. I know not everyone reading this will understand. Those who reduce depression to spiritual deficiency will judge me. I can live with that. Others will sympathize, or even empathize. For those of you who have been where I’m leaving, and those who will find themselves there again or for the first time, no matter how alone you feel, you never are.
If only it was possible to believe this when the darkness descends, wells up, and permeates every corner of your mind and heart.
So, how does someone live through numerous bouts of depression, earn a BS in Psychology, and reach the age of 38 without realizing she has a problem? Maybe the easier question to answer would be “What was different this time?”
To start, there was no particular trigger. Nothing I could blame. As I mentioned before, nothing changed. Nothing out of the ordinary happened.
It doesn’t surprise me when I have difficult days in autumn, when I get “blue” when the weather turns colder and the days get shorter. It doesn’t even surprise me when I feel like I’m dying. But, generally, I know that I am blessed, that there are many good things in life, and I can relatively quickly regain the knowledge that I have a purpose when I get to feeling out-of-place. I’m not surprised when the normal monthly cycle of shifting hormone levels makes me moody. I’m not surprised when not eating regularly or drinking enough water saps my energy, makes me sad, and leaves me confused and irrational.
We’re human. We experience a variety of emotions. It’s not abnormal to feel sad sometimes, to get weepy and emotional. Frustration and anger are not extraordinary. Given the pace and pressures of life, feeling overwhelmed at times is natural. It may not be right, but it is normal to let these emotions affect our behavior and interactions with others. It’s even natural to let these emotions get out of control at times. It can be gratifying to allow emotion to guide our behavior, but it’s childish.
So, it was a typical autumn. I was hating the chill in the air and resenting the loss of the green leaves. I was frustrated by my inability to adjust to my new schedule, and even more tired and sad as darkness held back the daylight when I had to force myself out of bed in the morning and grasped it away by dinnertime. I was overwhelmed by all the things we didn’t get done over the summer and angry that once again we’d finished so little of the much-needed renovations during good weather. My hormones started waging war on my body and brain.
It was rough. It was unpleasant – and, at times, so was I. It’s not a place I enjoy. I know it’s unhealthy. It does affect my day-to-day activities and interactions, and my ability to enjoy the usual things is impaired. But it’s manageable. How difficult a day becomes is pretty much directly related to my choices – where I choose to focus and how I choose to react. I can’t completely regulate my mood, but I can make things less difficult. It can be a grind, and I may doubt, but, ultimately, I still have faith and the ability to believe Truth. There are times when it’s difficult to remember that there have been, and there will be, better days, but those times pass.
This is not the first time that the bottom has fallen out. But this time, there was nothing specific to blame. I was back in that place where all I could believe was that nothing could be better, but I lacked a causal event. Something, or someone, had to be at fault. It must be that I just couldn’t take going into another winter with so little accomplished in and around the house…but we’re still making progress, and more quickly in some areas. It must be my husband’s fault…but he was only as human as he’d ever been.
When I could get out of my head I had to admit that it wasn’t a matter of what was going on outside of me. Nor was it the result of a choice I’d made.
I’ve had to accept that there are times that something beyond my control happens, a catastrophic glitch in my brain. I would have to guess that it’s a chemical imbalance. And, in a way, I lose (at least part of) my mind. Just to be clear, I am NOT saying that I am not responsible for my actions during these times. But I lose access to neural connections that allow me to hope.
I think it’s a small taste of hell – no joy, no light, no pleasure, no fellowship, no hope, and the feeling that God has no place for me.
I don’t know if I could have survived this last bout of hopelessness if it weren’t for my kids, my feeling of obligation to them, and my lack of trust in anyone’s ability to raise MY kids that way I think they should be raised. I just wanted to get them grown so I could die. And when I could see how little I was able to give them in that state, I felt completely purposeless.
Was there something “worse” this time that made it harder, that made it last so long? I don’t think so. I’ve realized something important this week – I’m no longer self-medicating. I’ve broken the enslaving cycle of seeking new sexual relationships, flirtations, and fantasy – and realized they were in large part coping mechanisms. I may not have been ingesting chemicals, but I wasn’t using men only to feel validation, pleasure, and excitement, but to adjust my brain chemistry. I’ve long understood my physical and mental sexual habits as temporary fixes, and have added a new and integral aspect to my understanding.
I’m not quite sure what to do with the insight of this week. I have long been someone who avoids medication, and given my atypical reactions (and overreactions), I would hesitate to seek drug therapy.
For the first time in my life I feel like I am standing with a foot in each of my worlds. In the past, good times were good; it was difficult for me to remember how bad I felt when I got out of whack – and vice versa. At this moment, I haven’t yet regained the wholeness I was living in, but something switched on or off Sunday afternoon; I no longer feel beyond hope. For some of you reading this it may make sense when I say that I can see real color again.
It is so true that when we least feel like being in the Word, it is the most important. Although it is very dangerous to reduce mental health issues to the spiritual, it cannot be denied that there is always a spiritual aspect – as with EVERYTHING else in life. On Sunday, several people became aware that something was not right, and several people began praying. It’s not a coincidence that Sunday is when the worst of the darkness finally lifted. And one day this week, when I came home from school and started crashing again, my husband’s act of faith, humility, and obedience to pray for me, and speak aloud in prayer the words I’d lost, were used by our Awesome God to bring me back up where I could see and stand. Jeff believed when I couldn’t and had the faith and grace to act. I am grateful. And I know that I am blessed.
What is a blessing?
04 Nov 2010 1 Comment
in The Growth of Wisdom Tags: blessing, Christian, Christlike, Isaiah 53, perspective, redemption, suffering
I’ve been spending time in Isaiah 53 lately. This morning the Lord used it to help me reconsider the meaning of the word “blessing” and the importance of how we define it.
Verse 10 in the NASB begins,
But the LORD was pleased
To crush Him, putting Him to grief
It sounds harsh to our “God of grace and love”-loving ears. God is supposed to make us happy, right? I mean, His blessings are things that feel good, aren’t they? We know when we get things we want and feel good that we are being blessed!
How much do we miss out on having a view of God as some kind of Santa Claus-like figure only interested in pleasing us? If we want to honor God and grow in Christlikeness, if we want to be useful witnesses and have an impact for Christ in our world, one thing we MUST do is change the way we view suffering and define “BLESSING.”
If a blessing is that which draws me closer to the Lord, that which makes me more like Him and through which He can bless others, it will not always feel good and it certainly will not always be something I think I want. God’s blessings are often things that we would not choose, and we won’t choose them or choose to let Him work through those “bad things” we can’t avoid if we do not trust Him and know that everything works together for His glory and our good when we love Him.
Is a life of faith always comfortable? Of course not. But we have everything we need to get through anything when we let Him give it to us. And when we know that God will use everything we yield to Him, we can find purpose in suffering and pleasure, and all of life is worthwhile. If you’re in pain, look for Him there. He is waiting for you to notice Him, and for you to accept the genuine blessing of His Presence.
It was through Christ’s willingness to be crushed that He, and the Father, were glorified, and we can be redeemed.
We should never let our suffering be wasted. When we surrender, we receive the intended blessing, bring glory to our Father, and point others to Christ.
